Pondicherry--October 11

Hot in the former French colony on the Bay of Bengal--October 2010, vacation away from Chennai, heat came with me.

Took a break from scrambling on building connections for my project and destressing from a housing incident--the second one since I got here. I have moved to a different place and hopefully everything will work out. May have been an innocent mistake, but my trust and privacy were violated--had to leave. I have wonderful friends here, though--they really rallied around me and helped. The saying is that "the guest should be treated as a god" and I can't believe the outpouring of support and help that people I barely know offered. India can be a difficult place to experience--the travel books mention it, but really nothing can get you ready for this country of contrasts. Beautiful one minute, brutal the next, but it's the people who make the experience. I think as Westerners, and I include myself in this, we get really hung up on the material things. I have a friend here whom some of my other friends refer to as my "Madras Mom"--but she's the perfect exammple. Usha and I know each other based upon an initial e-mail exchange to Fulbright alums living in Chennai and a friendship was built--we've had dinner, gone to arts perfomances. But the difference is that she checks up on me all the time--when I get on a travel she checks to make sure I am ok on the train or bus (she even wished me a good night), she offers advice when I experience "traveler's melancholy" and homesickness for my family, she listens to my stories about my project. For what? Alot of people have said that India changes you--and I think this could mean a lot of different things based on your experience. To me, I've see the poverty, I've learned alot about spritituality (different than religiosity--big difference) and I've seen places of amazing beauty, but the thing I've learned most about is friendship. Here in Pondi there are a lot of Westerners (mind you this means I've seen more than 2 in a given span of time) --we see each other walking down the streets by the cafes and shops or by the beach. Sometimes there's a nod, but little conversation--a reserve or coldness that I think is just us (big exception is the French restaurant owner I keep bumping into--Franciose--we just had lunch today and a long conversation over tomato salads, camembert sandwiches and Indian coffee). Maybe it comes back to the people here wanting to make guests feel comfortable so they really try to reach out to strangers, but I think it goes deeper. Maybe this comes back to a conversation I had with a man about the Indian mindset--there are so many problems that differences like religion matter less than finding another good person. It's these people that you rely upon to get through the day. I think my "Madras Mom" takes it even further. At the yoga retreat we had to think about what qualities make up the divine, and how we've seen these manifested in other people. I immediately thought about my wife of course--she's been my rock for 14 years, the rational part to my emotional personality (ok, I know any of my former students will laugh when they read that, but guys I have to tell you, your teachers may be different away from the classroom--we'll meet for coffee and discuss it some day) and the person who takes me for who I am, warts and all. I also thought about physical therapist
who didn't just treat my injuries this last year but got the mental side of it. I thought of myself as an athlete and when I couldn't train, when my body was not behaving as I wanted it to, a sort of depression set in. This part of my self was taken away and this was terrifying. So Molly came in at just the right time, when I was so low at times it was frightening, and helped heal my mind (through some amazing conversations that I will never forget) as well as my injuries. Things turned around--I was uplifted (salvaged? saved?) in a time where things looked pretty bleak to me. I learned alot about identity and self as well--don't pin too much on the external things, whether they are material or performances or relationshiops, because they can all be taken away from you in an instant. You really need to look in and see what you are all about and then find joy in that. Strive for excellence in what is true to yourself, but know what really matters and nurture that--the rest is just stuff. Now my friend here gives more to this friendship than I can possibly ever repay--she does it because it is who she is and that she can offer this type of support. She can look into this mind or heart or whatever of mine and relate to it--she's been in the same position when she studied in Minneapolis. Perhaps as she sees it there is a need here, and her responsibility (not in a covnentional prescribed duty sense, but in an opportunity sense--a human-hearted, compassionate sense) to help. She can do this and does this; few other's could relate in the same way, so she does. She could turn away, she could have never answered my initial e-mail, but she didn't and that has made all the difference. I am learning alot.

One comment about Westerners and India. Being in Puducherry (Pondi) has opened my eyes. After my housing issue, I spoke with the owner of my guest house. Besides these two incidents, this man has talked with me at length about India--it's intricacies and politics, culture, spirituality. After he apologized profusely for the what happened, he said something that really stuck with me. Westerners, they see India as exotic, but you know the reality. I've thought about this for days now. It has been in the forefront of my mind as I visit Pondi and Auroville. I'm going to indulge in some stereotyping now. I'm hypersensitive to the men with long hair and flip-flops in that skinny yoga build on mopeds with their girlfriends--women in flowing pants and tank tops, loose ponytails (ready to drop into an asana in a moment's notice!). They see the ashrams and the yoga culture in India. They pass the poverty and the people, but pull up to their modern hotels or sojourn in an ashram. This is the exotic. Now I can't say that I'm different--I live in a modern apartment, I have my Wi-Fi and access to Western food if I want it, and I've been to an ashram for a yoga retreat--but it just kind of irritates the crap out of me now. I am probably coming across as a complete jerk and I shouldn't be so judgmental--seriously, who am I? I've been here for a month now and have worked in a traditional Indian school and lived in a neighborhood where Westerners are as common as snow but that hardly puts me in position to condemn anyone else's choices. Maybe this is the acculturation period--sort of getting used to India and it's rhythms. I guess without the harshness it's just a milestone in my journey here. Live and let live. Converse and share the experience--that's probably all I can do. The ethical dimension of knowledge? Back to ToK land again... Certitude this way, visitiors' center that way.